To glitter bomb or not to glitter bomb

That is the question.

My mother has been an epic cunt for a while now.  She’s also a super drunk now which is completely weird for me.  She’s hooked on wine.  Can’t live without it hooked.  Drinking before going out to eat at a place that has to have wine kind of hooked. Any wine works but red is preferable.  God forbid you get her a fancy dessert wine from George Washington’s own plantation.  But she’ll happily drink your Hello Kitty red wine even though it’s disgusting.

She last saw the kid a year ago next week.  Too drunk to get up to trick or treat with him.  Even though she begged for us to go come her neighborhood. That’s when I knew I had to build a little bubble for me and the kid.  He’s old enough to know what’s going on these days and I can’t have all that happening.

I still have a ton of anger, obviously. I think she’s selfish.  I think she’s sad. And I think she’s very very unhappy even though she has everything she wants.  It’s odd. The psychologist in me would love to poke around in her brain and see why she’s so damn unhappy.  The daughter in me just can barely function at this happening yet again.  And the mother in me is angry that she didn’t just walk out on me, she walked out on him.

So as per the anger and probably a little bit of a fuckery habit, I’ve been considering the art of the glitter bomb.  The idea is the recipient opens it and glitter goes every where.  This is funny.  My mom and her husband are clean freaks so this would be double funny.  And a little fuck you to her for what I think of as our little anniversary of me finally seeing she’s a shitty mother.

 

 

Advertisements

This is why I don’t do religion

Recently I saw someone’s post on Facebook and it really pissed me off.  Shocker right? It said “I’m going to have to put this out there….I am a Christian, I believe that my Lord sent his only son to die for our sins. I feel really bad for people that don’t have a religion to follow. Whatever religion it may be. I’ve been shown, on many occasions, that He watches over and protects me. So to those that “don’t do” religion, I WILL PRAY FOR YOU🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

 

“I feel really bad for people that don’t have a religion to follow. Whatever religion it may be.”

veronica

 

She feels bad for me?  Because I “don’t do” religion…

okay

 

My most favorite thing ever is for someone to say they’ll pray for me.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-11860-1367655005-0

Like do you for real sit down at night and go God, I’m praying for that Heathen without God from the Facebook, watch over her religionless stupid ass because she doesn’t believe.

 

This is why I don’t do religion.  I have no issues with people who love religion. That’s awesome.  I love grapes. I love Netflix.  I love gardening.  Wooo all things people love.  But I don’t walk around going wow, I feel sorry for you, you don’t have a garden, or a netflix account and you don’t even like grapes.  How sad.  I’m going to watch Netflix tonight in your honor.

But don’t be an asshole.

 

Robots

Hello all none of my readers! Probably because I never post….

Anyways, my in laws visited this weekend.  My mother in law fell in love with my trash can.  It’s one of those touch free ones where you wave your hand over it and the lid opens.  I have a thing about icky trash can germs and this makes it so I don’t have to ever touch it.  It’s a win-win.

These trash cans, or robots as she calls them, are my Mawmaw’s arch nemesis. She hates my “robots.” I have three of these trash cans.  One in the master bathroom,  one in the kitchen for regular trash and one for recycling. When she visits, I make it known that I deeply love my robot army.  Because I also have a Roomba. His name is Roombie.  He’s not terribly bright but he’s ours and I love him even though he gets scared in the guest bedroom and hides under the bed almost immediately.

My mother in law and I took a little field trip to Target. They live in a small town so she likes going to stores they don’t have near by.  As we were walking, in her adorable Cajun accent, she says “look, I like your trash cans, where did you get those?”

Some people’s poison is Target.  Mine is Amazon.  She knows this but it’s cute she asks anyway.  She tells me that my father in law had a run in with their trash can.  No word on who won but the trash was worse for the wear and she figures now is a really good time to replace it.  As promised when we got home, I sent her the link for both of the sizes I have.  Some people prefer a smaller trash can.  I love to cook. It’s my zen. I cook from scratch 95% of the time so I like room to throw stuff away.  Our recycling one is smaller. And also when I went to order a second bigger one, the price had gone up and I figured I could live with a smaller recycling one for a better price.   I don’t know which one she ordered but she ordered them immediately.

I am hoping to invite my Mawmaw to Thanksgiving at my mother in law’s house so she can see that my robot army is spreading.  Maybe I’ll get her one for Christmas.